New from Science: Black Hole Death

I'm minding my own business when suddenly I hear that some jack-off scientists are going to crank up this atom-smasher and destroy the world. How might they do that, I stopped to ask. Apparently, there are fears that the Large Hadron Collider will produce black holes that will swallow the world.

Now at first, this news scared me so bad I wanted to hide under the bed--but then I thought the black hole would be sure to look there.

Then, I took some deep breathes. In the past, I have been entrusted to teach Darwin and Galileo (hahahhahahahhaha). And sure enough after my initial horror, I read the articles and found that the people complaining are led by a safety inspector with a law degree. A law degree! Phew!

Most importantly let's not let this LHC distract from the real threat: grey goo!