I Can See You

So I got my eyes checked today. The optometrist asked, "What prompted you to come in?" To which I could only say that it had been four years since I'd had an eye exam and I was thinking about getting new glasses. He seemed satisfied, but I wondered why ask that way. What was he driving at?

The next in my errands today was a stop at Great Clips for a hair trim--I never say haircut anymore because people assume a guy with long hair will one day come to his senses and get a crew cut, to which I say, "I'm just waiting for the balding." In the waiting room at Great Clips was a copy of Garden and Gun. I realized one of the contributing editors is one of my mentors, Clyde Edgerton. But what was it doing in Great Clips? Was it only a matter of alliteration?

Coincidences? I think not. By the way, my sight is just fine, by which I mean I can't see a damn thing without my glasses. That's right, I see what's going on here.

This Just In: Grades

That's right, the grades...they are in. And I am free. Free, I say.

This Just In Postscript: Heather has just informed me that this post, "sucks." More news as it develops.

Printers Hate Menstrual Blood and There Will Be Literary Thrillers

I am sad. Which I will probably blog about when I'm not quite so sad.

In the mean time, Ben Tanzer's blog has made me angry. He reproduces a letter from Eric Spitznagel about the Monkeybicycle Dirty Comedy issue. Turns out its release has been delayed because all the printers they tried were offended by the content. Specifically offended by a cartoon that contained menstrual blood (because no one is offended by reading anymore because no one reads). Is this those wacky free-speech-hating foreigners upset at cartoon representations of Muhammad? No, it's god-fearing printers of America, practicing censorship. To quote Spitznagel: "I think we've learned something today, my friends. We've learned that the printing industry is afraid of menstruation." God bless America.

What has made me happy is reading Derek Nikitas's discussion of literary thrillers on Murderati, which tackles the literary vs. genre debate. What has also made me happy is David Jack Bell's hypothetical writers draft.

Me on This Zine Will Change Your Life

I know, I know this is getting out of hand. I apology for the rash of self-promotion: Monkeybicycle, The Potomac, and now This Zine Will Change Your Life. I'm even getting tired of myself.

So don't go to This Zine Will Change Your Life for my story "An Introduction to My Open Mike Poetry Set." But rather go there because it has been paired with a picture and a song (can you say paired if there's a total of three things?). The picture is a brilliantly punkish photo by Adam Lawrence. The song is "Hello Fuji Boy" by Oh Astro. It contains samples from Hot Chip. Lionel Richie, and Fujiya & Miyagi. That's right. You have to see it and hear it for yourself, so click, don't type your way to This Zine Will Change Your Life. I mean, really, your life--I wasn't going to say anything but since this came up--could use a change.

Reporting Live: Rob Boisvert Book Release Party

Okay, I'm not there live, but earlier tonight I was at the Hidell Brooks Gallery for Rob Boisvert's release party for his book of short stories Long Dead Lover. You may know Rob from his day job as an anchor for News 14 (now you see where that inane reporting comment comes in--see that's funny because...). Rob, crazy guy that he is, took my Fiction Writing class, and I was stunned by his work--he has not only a dazzling style but also moving stories--a rare combination in any literary circles. So run out and buy Long Dead Lover through any means necessary, by which I mean use money, the physical or digital kind will be fine.

Me on The Potomac

So my short story "Trash" is in the Quictions section of the new issue of The Potomac that went live today. You should visit that fine journal of politics and poetry just for the picture of Hilary or the guy being attacked by a snake. I'm not sure which is more disturbing and also not sure which is politics and which poetry.

Monkeybicycle last week and The Potomac this one. I am doubly blessed.

Stop --inging Already!

Melody emailed me a wonderful rant on titles relying on an -ing. I found this rant endlessly amusing, and she's graciously allowed me to share her obsession with you. Forgetting Sarah Marshall kicked it off and made her realize she's sick to death of these "verb/name titles." I remember Fred Leebron tell my former friend who then told me that you should never title a story with an -ing verb. At the time having just written one called "Cat Killing," I thought he was being insane. But now I can't stand them either. I don't remember Leebron's rationale, but I wish I did. What is it with these -ing titles that disgusts us so? Melody, by the way, would be especially disappointed with me for "Cat Killing" because she proposed "KILLING anything as a title should be banned for life!" To exorcise this demon, she began a list of offenders, which I find startlingly comprehensive. She also invites you to add your own.

Her list:

Losing Isaiah

Losing Gemma (tv)

Losing Hope (2001)

Losing Lois Lane

Losing Aaliyah (doc)

Losing Grace

Losing Toby (animation-short)

Losing Ahmad (doc)

Losing Alice (in production)

Losing Jerry

Losing Juggles (short -Canada)

Losing Julia (short)

Losing Lois (short doc)

Losing Chase (tv)

Chasing Amy

Chasing Liberty

Chasing Holden

Chasing Papi

Chasing Cain

Chasing Buddha (doc)

Chasing Andy

Chasing Chekhov

Chasing Dora (doc)

Chasing Leonard (short)

Chasing Tchaikovsky

Judging Amy (tv)

Kissing Jessica Stein

Kissing Katie Holmes (short)

Kissing Miranda (tv)

Kissing Buba (UK short)

Kissing Jake (short)

Kissing Kate (short)

Kissing Paul Newman (short)

Forgetting Sarah Marshall

Forgetting Betty (short)

Forgetting Aphrodite (short)

Being Julia

Being Claudine

Being Cyrus

Being John Malkovich

Being Eve (tv series)

Being Mick (doc -tv)

Being Dorothy

Being Ron Jeremy

Being Doctor Who (interview-

Being Dom Joly (UK tv)

Killing Zoe

Killing Emmett Young

Killing Joe (short film)

Killing Mr. Griffin (tv movie)

Killing Cupid

Killing Pablo (in production, starring Christian Bale and Javier Bardem)

Killing Ariel

Killing Heinz (animated short)

Killing Hitler (tv)

Killing Priscilla (tv doc)

Killing Cinderella

Killing Kevin

Killing Killian

Killing Zelda Sparks

Killing Christian (2003)

Killing Christian (2005)

Killing Horace (1914 -starring Fatty Arbuckle -short film)

Killing Jackie (short)

Killing Mary Jane

Killing Rasputin

Battling Butler

Battling Marshal

Battling Bosko (animation - 1932)

Battling Bates (1923)

Battling Brewster (1924)

Battling Buddy (1924)

Battling Bunyon (1925)

Battling Burke (1928)

Battling Jane (1918)

Battling Mason (1924)

Battling Romeo (1925)

Battling Torchy (1922 short)

Battling Siki

Wrestling Ernest Hemingway

Driving Miss Daisy

Finding Forrester

Finding christa (doc)

Finding Preet

Finding Nemo (animated)

Finding Buck McHenry

Finding Kate

Finding Kelly

Finding Amanda

Finding Rin Tin Tin (doc)

Capturing the Friedmans (doc)

Teaching Mrs. Tingle

Boxing Helena

Running against Dick

Seeing Iris

Saving Private Ryan

Saving Silverman

Saving Grace (tv)

Saving Grace (1997 UK)

Saving Grace (1998)

Saving Grace (2008 -post production)

Saving Jessica lynch (tv)

Saving Sarah Cain

Saving Shiloh

Saving Angelo

Saving Milly (tv)

Saving Emily (tv)

Saving Jackie

Saving Luna

Saving Private Tootsie

Saving Sophie

Saving Jason (tv)

Saving Mabel's Dad (1913)

Saving Raffles (1917 UK)

Saving Sam

Saving Sheba

Saving Sister Aimee

Saving Sister Susie

Serving Sarah

Helping Grandma (1931)

Helping John (1912)

Helping Henry (tv series)

Helping McAdoo (1918 animation)

Helping Mother

Loving Jezebel

Hunting Chris Ryan (tv mini-series)

Sleeping Betty

Catching Kringle

Then I have a few that are verb/place:

Losing manhattan

Saving CBGB

Leaving Las Vegas

Losing Lusk (short doc)

Chasing Montana